Apple Pie

On the Sixth Day of Treats, my brothers tortured me…

With 6 Apple Pies

5 Lemon Bars

4 Squares of Fudge

3 Butter Cookies

2 Pumpkin Pielets

And a recipe for Jewy Chewy Treats.

As I mentioned before, I grew up baking apple pies with my grandmother, Evelyn every Christmas. My whole childhood, she was the only person who could be in charge of the pies, but I was allowed to help. But, as we both grew, the honor of making the pies has been passed down to me. At first, I was so honored. I was honored until I realized how I would be tortured.

Every year since I have made the pies, my brothers have belittled and harassed me about the quality of my pies. Well, ef you boys. My pies are damn good. It was only soupy that one time. ONE TIME. Let it go. I will be making the pies for many, many years to come so you should probably get used to it. Until one of us produces a daughter to carry on the tradition you are stuck with me so eat up and shut up. Or you can go pieless. Your choice.

Now that I have said my piece, I am going to share with you the most wonderful apple pie recipe on earth. You heard me. Best apple pie on EARTH. Marie Calendars ain’t got nothing on me. You should feel very privelaged to have this information. Please don’t abuse this information. Please only share it those you love and cherish. And don’t let any haters have a piece. Hear that boys? No haters allowed to eat the pie.

For the crust you will need:
Pie Crust
2 cups flower
½ cup vegetable oil
1/4 cup cold water
½ teaspoon salt
For the filling you will need:
6 granny smith apples peeled and cut into 8 pieces each
1 cup sugar plus a little extra to dust the top
1 tablespoons cinnamon plus a little extra to dust the top
a couple dashes of nutmeg
6 teaspoon sized dollops of butter

Now pay attention because I’m mixing up the cooking instructions on you. Preheat the oven to 425 degrees. Then, mix the pie crust ingredients together until the dough completely sticks together. Divide the dough in half. You will need one for the bottom of the pie crust and one for the top.

In between two sheets of wax paper, roll out one of the pieces of dough till it is very thin and can completely cover the pie pan.

Place the pie pan in the center of the rolled out crust and then flip it so the crust fits into the middle of the pie pan.

Pull of the layer of wax paper and press the dough into the edges of the pie pan so it is completely flat.

Then, pile the apples nice and high. Make sure there is not much room in between each apple.

When all the apples have been place, take the sugar, cinnamon and nutmeg and dust it evenly over all the apples.

Then add the butter dollops randomly around the apples.

When you have finished, roll out the second piece of dough and cover the pie with it.

Fork down the corners to seal it and cut off the excess dough with a knife. Finally, cut four small slits in the top of the pie so the heat can escape.

Bake it in the oven for 425 degrees for 15 minutes and then finish it at 350 degrees for 45 minutes.

Let the pie cool for about an hour. The pie can be made a day in advance and still be fine. You can serve it with ice cream, but we love to serve it with good old fashioned whipped cream.

Only make this pie if you are prepared to never desire another. And don’t try to make me any other apple pie. I won’t eat it.

Love and Beer Floats