bun in the oven
you read that correctly. this baker has a baby girl bun in the oven. come early august, wes and i will be welcoming our future sous chef to this little family. and to say we are sweet on the idea is the understatement of the year.
every mom has a story of how she got there, and i am no different. to say the road to motherhood has been easy would be a straight up lie. my journey so far has been an emotional roller coaster.
we set out to grow our family almost two years ago now. and as a person who likes to get things done and achieve, failing at getting pregnant really rattled me. the beginning was a shock to my system. all around me, friends, clients, and what seemed like every other person on social media was getting pregnant. each one a reminder that i wasn’t succeeding.
but after a few months, the reality that the struggle was real for myself and many others set in, and i started to accept that it just wasn’t the right time for us. i held on to the idea that when our business was a little more established and i was a lot less stressed and overworked, it might all fall into place.
and over the holidays, after a few months of feeling like things in life were finally starting to calm down and level of, success.
that little pink line.
and then came the second loop on the roller coster.
there were two weeks after i found out that we were pregnant that were a combination of pure joy and absolute disbelief. i felt like i had finally done something magical. i felt relieved that there wasn’t something biologically wrong with me. i felt like it all might be a mistake and that this too was just another miss.
and then the puking started.
and sleeping like a cat, seventeen hours a day.
and two and half months of feeling like i had the worst flu of my life.
REATLITY SET IN.
life as i knew it was OVER. suddenly, i was only able to do one tenth of the work i could do before. suddenly i couldn’t cook for myself. or stand for more than ten minutes. there were very raw moments where i thought… what the hell have i done. and the baby isn’t even here yet.
but each time we saw her heart beating and her moving all over the place like wes and i do on a daily basis, i felt a little better. at twenty-two weeks, i finally feel like a version of myself again.
now i know the roller coaster is not over. i’m on this ride for the rest of my life. but i’m alright with that as long as wes and baby girl are along for the ride.
so far, motherhood has taught me that women are the most insane, badass creatures out there. i was so lucky that while i was in the earlier weeks of my pregnancy i was able to organize my schedule to lay on the couch and not get out of my sweats all day. but i know that is not the norm, and for all those moms/soon to be moms out there, you are my heroes. especially those with full time jobs and ESPECIALLY those moms with more than one. you are all queens.
i have also learned that my husband, while a little less badass because he can’t grow his own human, is a hero in his own right. for stepping up and cooking and cleaning and bringing home the bacon when all i could do was hug the toilet bowl. for being a bundle of joy and excitement even when i’m a miserable, HORMONAL, beast to be around. but most of all because he is already the best dad to this little girl and i don’t doubt for a moment that she will know what good, healthy, safe love is because he will teach her.
we are so lucky. everything happens when it should. i can’t wait to teach that beautiful little nugget how to have her cake, and eat it too.