Dirty Lies

If there is one thing that my mother always tried to ingrain in me, it was to always make my bed.

We all know that didn’t really work out. But the second thing that she always encouraged me to do is to never tell lies.

And that one I actually picked up.

Yes, I tell a little white lie every once in a while but for the most part I try to live my life honestly.

It also really bugs me when other people tell lies.

And the lie that bugs me the most is when people say they are “allergic” to things when really they just don’t like them.

What a horrible lie. Because you told me you are allergic to cilantro when you aren’t, I just had to go through extraordinary measures to make sure the cilantro did not touch anything on your plate when all I had to do was add it on after I served you.

Really? How rude.

Well, this weekend, I told a lie. And it was one of the most hated kind. The allergy lie.

After the food themed 5K I participated in this weekend, complete with food stops and obstacles of course, there was a giant food truck festival.

One of the more interesting trucks was a bacon inspired truck where they had tons of interesting bacon creations. The one that caught my eye was the trio of bacon balls. There was a mac’n’cheese bacon ball, a peppercini and carne asada bacon ball and a peanut butter and jelly bacon ball.

I have NEVER been a fan of peanut butter and jelly. Mom always sent me to school with a straight peanut butter sandwich. For whatever reason, jelly just doesn’t do it for me. So, I decided I wanted the balls, but I did not want the PB&J ball.

After two beers, I decided that the best way to avoid the dreaded ball was to lie and say that I was allergic to peanuts. That way there could be no debate about ball substitutions.

So I stepped up to the front of the line and proclaimed that I would like the balls but I would like no peanut butter ball because I was allergic.

This man…

Promptly told me that if I was allergic to peanuts I couldn’t have anything off his truck.

Now, because I had already had two beers, this took me much longer than normal to process.

Why couldn’t I have anything from this truck? Did this guy have a hatred to those allergic to peanuts?

This is a great example of why a person should not work out a bunch and then down two beers.

Duh, he doesn’t hate peanut allergies, he cooks everything near peanuts.

When I finally figured it out, I could literally feel everyone watching me as the wheels in my head turned. I had a tough decision. Walk away ball less, or confess that I had lied and suffer the consequences.

I decided that the balls were more important to me than my pride. I told the truth. And my ball-making friend laughed in my face.

And then he gave me two mac’n’cheese balls in place of the dreaded PB&J.

Honesty really is the best policy.

Lesson learned.

Love and Beer Floats